I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
