If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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