I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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