i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
