sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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