I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
