My pussy is not your playground.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
