can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
