the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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