Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
