If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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