you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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