You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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