Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
