The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
