I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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