I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
