oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
being pregnant is like rehab
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
