Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
