Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize