I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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