um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
