I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
