went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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