Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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