Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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