I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's official drugs can't kill me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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