mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
time to smoke my breakfast
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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