it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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