so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
