was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
