And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
