I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
