I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
