This is not my ceiling
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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