why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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