If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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