When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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