I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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