I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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