I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
