you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
