sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God, I missed his penis.
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