My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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