I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
