My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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