piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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