I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
