peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he just fucked me for my cheese..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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