just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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