You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
