I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
