a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
