dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
