He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
