I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
