If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
