i just wanna soil my oats bro
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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