I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
