I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize