i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
