He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
