So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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