I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
