Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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