I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
