if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize