batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
