Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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