I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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